Picture this! As you walk down the street you witness across from you, by the park, a mother speaking down at her child, angry, and very tough as she pours harsh and painful words all over her now tearful little one, whose only fault was spilling some juice on a white shirt. I am sure she loves and wants what’s best for her child, but, that day everything was not going well, and the picture she wants is a perfect well-behaved human being. Although there is no such thing, but, well, she might not know better with all the rules and restrictions she built around herself.
I am sure you pass by her resenting what you are seeing. A full and heavy cycle of judgment already starting to spiral within your veins, as it turns into a burning sensation in your heart and mind. You are so mad at her and the harsh words and treatment she is pouring over her child, thinking “what an unacceptable situation”. Most of us feel this way when witnessing situations of human aggression and harshness, and we wish that there was something that could be done to either teach that mother or rescue that child, for such treatment should not exist.
Now let me kind of rephrase or rearrange the picture….
This is the moment I ask you to pause and look at this exact situation but not as a mother and child. No.
I ask you to picture yourself as that child standing there and taking such a beating of hard condescending words, but not from anyone else but your own self. Yet, unfortunately, there is no one to witness such harshness, there is no one there to rescue you from your own self…
An even more horrific thought is when this becomes a moment to moment behavior, so natural, just another habit that no longer appears to be a problem, not to you! For you are better than OK, while the internal beating continues, but unconsciously now! Imagine you live your whole life like this, tortured by the only soul that matters! The only person who can truly give you the tenderness and care, the kind that genuinely matters!
You live your life in search of happiness and probably someone to love you, thinking that such a person would be that tenderness that speaks to your inner soul, your true self. That this significant other could make it all ok, but the truth is, no one outside of you will ever be able to do that. You may find someone and somehow use them as a bridge to get yourself there, but ultimately it is only you, and it takes only you to love, care, and be tender with yourself.
There is no reason to be harsh, for no matter what you do, or decide for yourself, it will all be ok. What you try but do not like, you can simply stop. So why the struggle? And most importantly why be so hard on you. Wouldn’t it be more peaceful to learn, explore and shape who you are, to build your life in peace and in the comfort of your own skin?